4/12/11 Status 1

Wait...... no computer and yet more status updates? Don't tell me he has another computer devoted entirely to facebook whoring....

4/10/11: Status 1

Chirs Welch: always with the controversial opinions. Why doesn't he have a column?

4/5/11: Status 3

Your school assigns papers? I don't know of any other school that does that! I learn so much from your statuses!

4/5/11: Status 2

I hope you were able to tolerate not being on Facebook for all that time.

4/5/11: Status 1

Grammar lesson: to talk like Chris Welch, exclude any negative like "don't" and "not" from your vocabulary. For example, "Remy, why you no say goodbye on facebook chat? now i must move on to the next girl i'm stalking."

4/4/11: Status 1

Littering is illegal. And now we have more evidence of illegal activity besides being a prostitute to Facebook.

4/3/11 Status 3

SO relatable. Those fresh new Ray Bans really reflect his casual attitude.

What I Always See When I Log On Facebook Chat

4/3/11: Status 1

Look everybody! I have a girlfriend and a smartphone!

4/3/11: Status 2

Elizabeth, don't encourage him.

4/2/11 Status 1

We were all thinking it, Mike Kenslea said it.

4/1/11: Status 1

What happened to all that homework you're supposed to be doing?